Plethora of information is available in the self help community when it comes to change. Change can mean anything really – to one it may mean better health, more money, quality relationships… the list goes on. There are a lot of “change this, change that” that go around on social media posts, coaches selling “one hack/secret”, there are even books written with those very titles such as Dr Wayne Dyer’s “Change your thoughts, change your life”. Equally, there are suggestions of changing your feelings, actions, behaviours to change your life.

I have followed them all – do any of them work? Actually they all work to a certain extent – and they would be really effective if put together – thoughts, feelings, action, behaviour all need to be considered and in harmony for any real change to occur in one’s life. They are all manifestations of energy and if the energy is changed then, different/preferred reality would be available for the person making changes.

One of the models for change I have seen is this (what Dr Joe Dispenza refers to as creation in 3d – Matter to matter): You start working backwards – so you start with action that changes behaviour, behaviour changes thoughts and thoughts change feelings which results in changed energy. It works but it takes a long time. Another model (which Dr Joe Dispenza refers to as creation in 5d) is to start with changing the energy (through silence, observation, meditation), which leads to a change in feelings and thoughts, new thoughts inspire new behaviour which is reflected in new actions and results in your life. It’s a faster route to change.

Neither of the ways is easily done than said because there is a thing called your subconsciousness/ego that is used to be being a certain way that’s familiar and it knows that way to be safe. The reason for its existence is to keep you safe. And this part of us is formed in early childhood before any analytical thinking was there, whatever it perceives as too painful and dangerous, it shoved it in the back – not to be seen or even acknowledged. As adults, we generally want to change because the familiar way is no longer working. What was too big to handle for the child, the adult can make space for it if they are aware of it. Otherwise, the unconscious runs the show and keeps stopping from any change that you are looking to make in your life. It will throw you off by sending unhelpful thoughts/feelings/behaviours/actions… this is what one calls self -sabotage.

So I propose a new model for change – not so much a model as it is an art form. A dance between the conscious and subconscious. Here you look at everything as equally important by becoming an observer. The observer observes the current way of being by being completely neutral – there is no judgement, guilt, shame etc. Its like you are outside of yourself and watching a movie play out where you can observe your thoughts, behaviours, feelings and write those down. Changes happens when all of these change, not one as a standalone and they effect each other anyway.

One fine morning, you may wake up and find yourself thinking some unhelpful thoughts which are make you feel uneasy. What people often do (I used to do and still do at times) is to resist those feelings and push them away and eventually will find themselves not being able to do what they said they were going to do. And the ego will run with the story of self blame and condemnation – see you failed again blah blah blah. Before it even gets to this stage, what one can do to pattern interrupt is to become the observer – sit with thoughts and feelings and get curious. “who is feeling this?” “what part of me here isn’t feeling safe?” etc and make space for the information to be made available to you. And trust that it will come to you. Its your (the adult) job now to soothe the ego and make it feel safe with the changes that you are making.

It is much easier to change when the ego feels safe and your subconscious is on board with your plans. And it’s likely the fastest route to change also because you are changing on all levels simultaneously. I would even say that at that point you are changed because your energy, feelings, thoughts, behaviours, actions are all in alignment. You rinse and repeat until you are stable in your alignment/energy. Once you find alignment and change your energy, change becomes evident in the matter and you become greater than you used to be – greater than the circumstances of your life.

Some practical to navigate the process of change:

• Become the observer
• Get clear on the current ways of being – thinking, believing, behaving, acting
• Get clear on the new ways of being – who would you become as a result of changes? What would that state of being feel like? start feeling that way now
• When the ego throws a tantrum, take a step back and become the observer. If you are having a hard time doing that, then call a friend or get a coach to give a neutral perspective.
• Once neutral, then you can make some new choices
• And go easy on yourself as you go through the identity shift

Who you become as a result is the real change you have been looking for.