As I reflect on the past few months, I can see it has been an intense period of release — of letting go, moving through heavy emotions, and ultimately falling to my knees in surrender.
The old states of being that once formed as trauma responses have been collapsing. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been brave enough to face the suppressed emotions of decades and bring them into the light of my awareness. In doing so, I’ve learned more in these few months than in years of effort.
Surrender, I’ve realized, is not a technique — though many manifestation coaches would have us believe otherwise. I could easily turn this into a rant on that subject, but I’ve learned to value my attention and energy. So, I let them be.
What I will share instead is how my own understanding of surrender has evolved through direct experience.
The experience
Over the past year, my work had slowed down. There were constant ebbs and flows — I’d push and control, then fall apart, let go, and something would shift… only for the cycle to repeat. Last month, I reached the end of my threshold. The “doer” didn’t know what to do anymore; the controller realized it couldn’t control and felt lost.
At the same time, I was intentionally cultivating safety within — meeting suppressed emotions, giving my body a taste of what it feels like to be completely safe and cared for.
Then, on October 1st, I found myself crying and whispering an old prayer:
“Tell me what to do, and I will do it.”
This time, there was silence. No whisper, no clear direction — just stillness. In the past, I would hear exactly what to do, and following that guidance led to wonderful changes. But now… nothing.
Eventually, my plea transformed:
“I don’t know what is happening or will happen, but I trust you to take care of me.”
Moments later, my phone rang — I was being headhunted for a role that immediately caught my interest. On October 8th, I met with the company’s director, and the next day she called to offer me the position.
This new role includes every “it would be nice to have” that I had casually thought about over the years — but I never made lists, vision boards, or used techniques. These desires existed as pure intentions in the field. I simply stayed out of the way and didn’t try to make anything happen.
What I leaned into was a state of being — not resisting what is, trusting that I am held and cared for, and feeling gratitude for existence itself. And of course, the field delivered in its own unpredictable way. If I could have predicted it, I would have been controlling it — and control no longer works for me.
What Was Happening Within
- I allowed myself to feel all the suppressed emotions.
- I sat in the discomfort of fear and the unknown — and eventually found safety and even love there.
- I reached neutrality around things that once polarized me.
- I accepted myself fully, bringing peace to all aspects of my being — which led to wholeness and calm.
- My nervous system began to thaw from freeze as I honored and felt through the intensity of emotion.
- I started living in a state of detachment, trusting that I was cared for even when my mind couldn’t see how.
- I stopped micromanaging myself and the universe, aligning instead with the rhythm of life (though, truly, there is no time).
- My actions became focused on changing my inner world, not the outer one.
A Key Distinction
Understanding surrender intellectually is not enough — it must be embodied. Manifesting from a state of fight-or-flight, while parroting affirmations or applying techniques, won’t bring lasting change. The nervous system simply cannot hold what the consciousness isn’t ready to receive.
Our vessel must expand to hold the reality we desire. Every time we fully feel and release a limited emotion, our capacity expands. The nervous system moves from contraction (away from pain) into expansion (toward pleasure). But the way out of contraction is not avoidance — it’s through feeling. That is the fastest route to freedom.
Where I Am Now
I no longer surrender because I’ve run out of options or reached my breaking point. Surrender has become a state of being — a way to remain relaxed in my heart and awake in my mind so intuition can speak.
Recently, I noticed a low hum of tension around money — worries about when and how income would flow in. Instead of tightening, I leaned in. I gave myself permission to feel safe, to relax, to trust.
Surrender isn’t just for the “big” moments — it’s for everything. The more I trust and relax, the more fulfilled and joyful life becomes.
For it is through surrendering to the Divine that we learn trust. And when trust deepens into knowing, even surrender becomes unnecessary — because in knowing, there is no separation from the Divine. We become the fabric of the field itself, and the field already knows what we need before we even think to ask.
Matthew 6:8 (KJV): “Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.”
Intentionally Surrendered 
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